Smells like nostalgia. And sexy babies.*

Posted on | 1 month, 3 weeks ago, in the early afternoon | 4 Comments

Today I went to the bank, nabbed some lunch, got my glasses adjusted, and then lost my trusty travel umbrella to a gust of wind and an unexpectedly sharp tree branch.

No matter. I was only a block away from Walgreens, where they happen to carry travel umbrellas. Problem: meet solution.

However, I was not smart enough to stick to the umbrellas. I kept remembering other stupid little things I needed (face wash, toothpaste, envelopes, etc.), and as I hunted and gathered, I wandered through the cosmetics/personal care aisles.

Right past a boxed gift set of Love’s Baby Soft products.
And I did a double-take.

Not because I loved Love’s back in the 80s (I thought it was okay), but because I loved Love’s affiliate products – the Love’s renditions of jasmine, lavender, and “rain.” They smelled lovely, and far less “calling all beady-eyed pedophiles” than the original pink powder-scented stuff. And best of all, they were light.

When it comes to fragrances, light is important to me. You see, I have this mutant alien body chemistry that absolutely CLINGS to scent. Any scent. Good scents. Bad scents. Scents that most people don’t really worry about – like laundry detergent, dish soap, hand lotion, and so forth … anything with a molecule of odor works its way into my skin and stays there, whether I like it or not.

[As an aside, my mom says that when I was a baby, she'd make up excuses to keep little old ladies from holding me - lest I smell like mothballs, hard candy, and Aqua Net for a week. So this is not a new development.]

Anyway. When I was a teenager, I loved the Baby Soft scents (except the original so much, as noted) because I could spray them in the air, walk underneath, and smell faintly, pleasantly, like the appropriate cologne until bath-time – and no longer. And conveniently enough, I really love jasmine and lavender.

Alas, prior to this afternoon I had not seen the jasmine or lavender renditions of Love’s in twenty years. I didn’t think they still made it anymore, and I’ve long since moved on to other olfactory vices. But there it was – not the full set of alternates like I wore as a kid, but a box set that included one small bottle of my formerly prized jasmine cologne.

I am such a dumbass. The set was marked $9.99 – and was on a pile of merchandise that was half-off, due to the post-holiday purge.

I suppose you can see where this is going.

Gleefully, I tossed the box into my shopping basket. Merrily I traipsed up to the checkout counter.

And therefore, I bought myself five items: A bottle of the original Love’s Baby Soft cologne, pink and somewhat cloying; a tube of shimmery Love’s Baby Soft lotion, likewise eye-wateringly “fresh”; a tube of Love’s Rain Forest lotion, which smells oddly like Davidoff’s Cool Water for men, but whatever; a bottle of Love’s Soft Lemon perfume, which I find frankly perplexing; and the highly coveted bottle of Love’s Soft Jasmine perfume.

You will note that the photo above shows only four items.

Yes. Well. Upon opening the box, I was greeted by a wafting cloud of Love’s Baby Soft (original formula) – a cloud of such nose-prickling density that it now pervades my very soul.

And why did I not don gloves at this point in the story? Because I’m a dumbass, that’s why.

As I popped the items out of their plastic mold packaging, one doo-dad at a time, I realized that the Love’s Baby Soft cologne was half-empty, and the other half of its contents had either sloshed into the other mold compartments or gelled into a vivid pink goo at the bottom of its own housing.

Reader, is 1985 up in this-here Seattle apartment, and I will be exfoliating the undead daylights out of myself for the foreseeable future.

I can only thank God my husband isn’t home, and pray that the worst of the fragrance fog has dissipated before he returns. And also, that he isn’t deeply appalled by the prospect of his wife smelling like she’s twelve.


* Ahem.

Category: misc

Comments

4 Responses to “Smells like nostalgia. And sexy babies.*”

  1. Puss in Boots
    December 28th, 2011 @ 3:03 pm

    I have a body spray that Seamus thinks smells like old lady perfume.

    Which is better: twelve year old, or octogenarian?

  2. Cherie
    December 28th, 2011 @ 3:04 pm

    I would argue old lady perfume, because I rather like a lot of old lady perfume :)

  3. Mary
    December 29th, 2011 @ 3:34 am

    OMG that ad is creepy.

  4. Robert B Godwin
    December 29th, 2011 @ 6:44 am

    Please, Ma’am:

    I need a definition of steampunk poetry, as I am the Poet Laureate of the Green Room at River Ridge High School in Lacey, WA.

    The school is putting on a steampunk Romeo & Juliet in late January 2012, and I am expected to come up with appropriate steampunk poetry for whichever characters in the play I feel deserve a few stanzas.

    Can you point me in the right direction, perhaps with a title of an anthology or something?

    Thank you.

    Bob Godwin
    Lacey, WA

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