Happy New Year!
4 years, 6 months ago, mid-afternoon
Today the husband and I buckled down and cleaned the ever living hell out of our apartment – even going so far as to empty, vacuum, sort, and clean both the hall closet and the coat closet. Tomorrow we’ll tackle our bedroom closet, for it is the last un-scrubbified frontier in this-here residence.
I even moved the couch and vacuumed underneath it, which is more of a chore than it sounds like. Particularly when one considers that we have a cat, and this cat has more toys than some small department stores, and this cat likes nothing better than to slap-shoot her toys under the couch – where she can retrieve them with ease, but we cannot.
I recovered more than two dozen bouncy balls, furry mice, rattly assorted doo-dads, and feather-thingamajigs. They are now in her basket, where they will remain for approximately the next hour … or until whenever she wakes up from her nap.
Anyway. At the moment, I’m waiting for the last load of towels to come out of the dryer, so I felt like I could take a few minutes and update. Might as well, right? It’s my last chance all year! Of course, now I have no idea what to say.
There’s a meme going around – “Ten Things I’ve Done That You (Probably) Haven’t.” Maybe I’ll take a stab at that. I’ll try to leave out book-specific stuff, since (a). I know a lot of writers, and (b). I feel like it’s kind of cheating.
Otherwise, here goes – Ten Things I’ve Done That You (Probably) Haven’t:
- Got my braces from an orthodontist who’d once been an Olympic medalist.
- Took comprehensive exams to receive my master’s degree in writing, and failed the “Fiction” section.*
- Spent a summer petitioning to legalize gambling – in order to raise the entry fee I needed to attend a private Christian university.
- Barfed all over the escalator at the Denver Museum of Nature and Science. (Because I refused to admit – until it was entirely too late – that I was too sick to see the Ramses II exhibit.)
- Beat five out of six guys (a groom and four members of his wedding party) at Soul Calibur. The sixth guy refused to play me. That chickenshit.
- Bought (and still use) a giant wicker parrot umbrella holder at an estate sale, and refused to sell it for twice what I paid for it when a dude tried to poach it off me as I carried it to my car.
- Went on NPR to talk about zombies.
- Dressed up like a Bozo’s little sister as part of a “Christian Clown Ministry,” and went handing out Jesus Loves You pamphlets at a housing project. In my defense, I was in high school and I had a huge crush on one of the other clowns. It’s been twenty years, and I still feel embarrassed and weird about that whole experience.
- Dated two guys who had been (independently, years apart, long before I knew them) struck by lightning.
- Had eleven teeth pulled. At once.
Okay. The towels should be dry by now. I’d better go check.
Everyone have a great evening!
* Retook it. Passed it on the second try for the academic win, but irony fail.