Panty Raid

Once upon a time I had a pair of lucky green panties. They were dark green, size small, purchased from Victoria’s Secret while I was in college. They were my “lucky” green panties because for some reason, they just wouldn’t die. I had those damn things for over ten years — during which time my weight fluctuated up and down by about 35 pounds. AND THEY STILL FIT. ALWAYS. These were magical panties. No two ways about it.

I liked Victoria’s Secret underthings. They were well-made and comfortable, and they came in a variety of styles — most of which I had no intention of trying, ever. I’ve generally shied away from both of the spectrum’s extremities; I don’t go for the high-leg briefs (full belly-button and tramp stamp coverage) nor the string thongs (cooter-floss). I’ve always preferred the bikinis and the briefs. All I ask of a panty is full cheek-coverage and a disinclination to creep up my crannies.

Check, and check.

My underwear drawer is loosely organized in tiers. I have three tiers of underwear: (1). Nice, new underpants to delight any emergency first-responders, (2). middling underpants which are maybe a little old or faded, but are structurally sound, and (3). the old beaters for wearing once a month, or on the absolute last day before laundry hits critical mass.

Historically speaking, these tiers cycle through once every few years (except for that lucky green pair) — and the cycling occurs when I’d wander into VS and hit the table with the “Five pairs for $25!” sign.

Because I’ve been such a regular, faithful customer, VS sends me intermittent coupon cards redeemable for one free panty. I have acquired many a pair in this fashion, and I’ll admit, the marketing tactic has worked on me more than once. I mean, if I get one FREE panty, and the panties are already 5 for $25, then REALLY I can get SIX pairs for $25 — which is a perfectly respectable price for almost a week’s worth of something I intend to keep and wear for awhile.

So. To make a long story short, for most of my paycheck-earning adult life — approximately 20 years — I’ve owned virtually nothing but Victoria’s Secret underpants.

But I think this is going to change. The reasons are primarily two-fold.

    (1). The older I get, the less respect — nay, simple civility — I receive from their sales staff. It’s as if anyone over 22 is invisible, and utterly unworth their time. I’m thirty-four, and they act like I’m teetering around the sales floor with one foot in the grave and the other on a banana peel. But I’m not. I’m a civilized adult customer with credit cards and decades of brand loyalty in my britches — and I don’t deserve the nasty attitude and eye-rolling. On the rare occasions when I see a girl trying to offer good customer service, she’s usually shouted down by other employees. (No shit. I saw this today, actually. That’s why I didn’t pick up a free panty, and threw the coupon away.)

    (2). The panties are no longer any good. I don’t know if the quality dropped off a cliff all of a sudden, or if it happened gradually — over the year or two wherein I didn’t buy any, shortly after moving to Seattle and being so broke I was rolling pennies for tampon money. But the quality has definitely gone to hell.

It’s not as if I didn’t give them the benefit of a doubt. I didn’t do a spot-check via free panty acquisition; I’m talking about a total of twelve pairs of underpants that are virtually unwearable, acquired at different stores (in different STATES), for pretty much the same reasons across the board.

    PROBLEM THE FIRST: THE FIT. Something about the cut of the briefs/bikinis changed – and now I can’t get them to successfully cover my right ass-cheek to save my life. Now, as those of you who’ve met me can attest, my ass is not particularly uneven. I mean, one cheek might be a little fuller than the other — people are a little asymmetrical sometimes, okay, fine. But I’m not such a lopsided butt-freak that people stop me on the street to point and laugh. For that matter, all my older (second- and third-tier panties) fit just fine. They cup both booty halves without comment, complaint, or incident. No crack-ward creep occurs. It’s only the new ones that fail me.

    PROBLEM THE SECOND: THE INTRODUCTION OF A SECRET POCKET. Yeah. If that sounds weird to you regular panty-wearing types, it ought to. I don’t want a secret pocket in my panties. I don’t ever intend to carry anything in my panties — least of all, cradled halfway up my hoo-hah. But as far as I could tell, all the styles now have this handicap.

Here. It’s time for pictures.

(Though first, I’m going to put in a page-cut because this is running long. Click the link below in order to get a gander at the visuals — unless you’ve followed a link directly to this entry, in which case, just keep scrolling.)

Below you shall see a perfectly ordinary (though hideously flawed) pair of Victoria’s Secret panties, size medium. Lime green with white polka-dots. Kicky, non?

pantyraid 001

Well, I rather liked them. That’s why I bought them — that, and an eternal sense of optimism. Hey, maybe these panties wouldn’t suck! Maybe they’d cover both cheeks, instead of cruelly leaving one to hang, and galloping merrily toward my southern tropics. Yeah, and maybe monkeys will fly out of my ass.

(They’d better not, unless they want to get clothes-lined in a peculiarly literal fashion.)

Anyway, these undies don’t just suffer from the poor cut. They suffer from the SECRET POCKET.

pantyraid 003

What has basically happened here is that Victoria’s Secret has decided that stitching the cotton crotch all the way to the main body of the underpant is entirely too much trouble. So they’ve left the top edge open. Note, if you will, how that top seam has curled inward. That’s from one washing. ONE WASHING and the damn thing feels like sitting on a jump rope if I’m wearing anything more form-fitting than a sleeping bag.

No, it isn’t a HUGE SEAM, though my experience with other pairs over several washings proves that the seam begins to roll even tighter, and become even more uncomfortable. And the point is, it’s a significant seam in a VERY SENSITIVE PLACE, which is to say, it DOES NOT BELONG THERE.

I assume this is some kind of cost-cutting measure on Victoria’s Secret’s part. I bet they save a whopping three cents on every panty they fail to stitch up to completion. Way to screw up a perfectly good pair of panties, Victoria. I hope your three cents per pair keeps you warm at night.

But then again, maybe I’m misunderstanding the situation! Maybe it’s not a bug, it’s a feature. Here are just a few of the things I had hanging around the apartment — things which easily fit in the secret pocket.

My favorite lipstick – left hanging half out of the pocket lest you think it’s some kind of toy.

pantyraid 004

My Nano. One day I’ll be able to control the shuffle mode while practicing my Kegels.

pantyraid 006

A flash drive. GET IT? I’D HAVE TO TAKE OFF MY UNDERPANTS TO SHOW IT TO YOU! SO IT’S A LITERAL FLASH DRIVE! Get it? [:: cough cough ::] [:: initiates shuffle mode ::] [:: oops ::]

pantyraid 007

So. Yes. Anyway.
That’s basically why I’m taking my business elsewhere.

Oh, there are a few other reasons, don’t get me wrong. For example — to add a footnote to the problem with the Secret Pocket seam, it’s very difficult to get a pad to stick to the crotch surface when the seam is coiling around all over the place. And I kind of hate the direction that the store’s decor has been going in the last few years.

Back in my day [:: rattles cane ::] Victoria’s Secret was a fairly classy, low-key place for grown-up women-shaped people of taste — not a storefront that looked like the interior of a pedophile’s favorite van. I don’t know what’s up with that PINK line, but it makes my eyes bleed. No thanks.

* * *

Well, I’m sure I’ll find a suitable replacement eventually. Jockeys have come quite highly recommended, and the Gap has nice underwear for about the same price. And for now, I still have enough of a stash of the old VS styles to last me a bit longer.

It’s a shame, though. I’m going to miss those polka-dots.

Last Modified on April 18, 2010
this article Panty Raid

128 thoughts on “Panty Raid

  1. Cherie, first, let me thank you for this post for a few reasons….
    Reason the First: You made me laugh – a lot – repeatedly – while I sit here, sick as a K9, feeling decidedly UNfeminine
    Reason the Second: For health reasons, I was directed to gain weight – a lot – which has for the most part shifted me from Vickie’s to Lane Bryant’s pantie tables – after reading this, I’m not feeling nearly so bad about it
    Reason the Third: You’ve provided fodder for many inappropriate jokes to tell a blind date, over a first dinner, if the blindingly obvious, “What the HELL was I thinking???,” light is strobing over the guy’s head, and you’re searching desperately for an out – any out – and your wing women deserted you before dessert was served.
    To do you back a good turn…I hope….I’ve become inordinately fond of the “boy shorts” styles, and many of your run of the mill, pick it up at WalMart brands have their own versions. For me, I’ve found that Both Hanes and FTL (Fruit of the Loom, or Faster than Light…always wondered about the guys sporting the FTL logo on their underwear, and it possibly giving their prospective bootie call the worng impression about staying power, but I digress…) are comfortable, affordable and readily available if you find yourself in dire need of undies at 3am and only the 24 Hour WalMart is available to you.

  2. tanya

    I have the same problem…thank you for letting the world know of this dire situation.

  3. Jerry

    Two words from the other side —

    boxer shorts

  4. Stephanie G.

    Thank you thank you thank you for confirming that I’m not the only one whose new undies are riding up on one side! Whatever happened to good old-fashioned quality?

  5. Haha! Thanks so much everyone – and really, I can just die happy because Emma Bull says I won an internet :)

  6. Sharon

    I used to by VS on line because of the rude staff. That pocket I thought it was just me that had issues. I just never realized the uses. Lol well I have also realized that the fits are off. Great blog!!!!!

  7. Laura

    Ok, I just checked and this post has 57 comments, the Hugo post has about 17, and others none. Clearly, we need more posts about panties. (I almost died laughing reading this post).

    Panties with elastic always ride up my right butt cheek. Can’t begin to explain….have discovered boy pants at Hanes and they fit really really well. No riding..but they may have the secret pocket. That secret pocket could make my desk job much more interesting…radio controlled though, otherwise the wires would give me away.

  8. So, their business is doing SO well they can afford crap staff? OK then… Remind me never to bother with them. Crap service is crap service.

  9. April

    JonelB – I bought a pair of boy short style panties from Lane Bryant. They look cute, but they have a seam that aligns directly with the wearer’s ass crack. Who thought that would be a good idea? No, seriously. I want to track them down and force them to wear a pair of those things.

  10. Krystine

    I actually really like Aerie (which is Aeropostale’s line of underthings) they have similar sales and super soft fabrics, and just plain comfy styles. Gap is also very comfy, although i have not bought anything from them in awhile. I don’t really shop VS anymore, I think they are overpriced and overrated, not to mention I have to DIG and SEARCH and SPECIAL order my size bra (which is not a very large 38C-38D – depending on the store I happen to be buying from) Their undies have not been the same since they have started to cater to the high schoolers…

    So, I’ve gone elsewhere. I’ve moved on and even though Aerie isn’t really marketed to Adults, I’m a huge fan.

    good luck in your endeavors, maybe you can find a boutique nearby that isn’t super expensive. Or resort to online shopping.

  11. Margaret

    Way to go, I completely agree! I quit shopping there when I stood in line behind 2 people waiting to sign up for a credit card. I waited for 15 minutes. If I hadn’t been returning something I would have put my purchases down and left. And then when I complained, the girl just rolled her eyes. The whole store has turned into a white trash phenomenon.

  12. HUZZAH!

    Re: Fredericks (I’ve only read about halfway down the comments, sorry) I love their new bra styles AND the service I got when my rather large ass came tromping in to the San Diego Horton Plaza store. I was wearing a FoH bra that I had had to modify and the clerk immediately sprang into action trying to find one that would fit the KIND of boobs I have. We finally did find a style that does, and it’s GREAT. I less than 3 FoH again.

    VS is evil, horrible, mean, rude, in EVERY store I have ever been in since I was 16 and skinny. The MOMENT I went over skin-and-bones status they started being rude to me. They’ve always been nice to my husbands but only if I’m not with them.

    Lane Bryant – none of their stuff really fits me, which is depressing. I turned to Torrid for panties, which all fit wonderfully as long as I buy the right size (whoops) and are cute and sexy and fun all at the same time. I have only had one pair try to do untoward things or fall apart, and that’s because I didn’t pay attention when I bought them and got a size too small. Unfortunately, that’s ALL I buy from Torrid anymore because their jeans rip out in the ass regularly for me and everything else is entirely too bright and colorful for a conservative, comfortable dresser like me.

    Huzzah on your post. Thank you for your frank and open discussion about why VS isn’t worth visiting anymore. I would venture a guess that the majority of the VS serving world agrees with you.

  13. Amanda

    My best friend and I are so with you! We used to shop VS…. and then we don’ know where the transition was either, 5 for $25 used to be a good deal, but for the quality now [we buy thongs] they are charging what feels like exorbitant rates. And, the bras are awful now too!

    We have however found a replacement! It depends on where you live cause its still new, but Abercrombie and Fitch’s undie store Gilly Hicks is wonderful! Honestly, if you need a place I totally recommend them. And age isn’t a big deal, we see people our mom’s ages in there buying things, and the girls there are always helpful.

  14. Nadine

    When I got my first job, I had two interviews. The first one at Victoria’s Secret and the second one at Starbucks. I went to the Victoria’s Secret, I was in my fancy interview clothes and all made up and everything, so it wasn’t as if I looked like a train wreck like usual in the morning. I went to the counter and immediately before I could state my business, the clerk walked away to help someone else. I waited for ten minutes or longer watching the clerk walk around with the other customer as she was shooting glances at me. I would have expected an “I’m sorry I’ll be with you shortly” or something. So when someone finally came back, It was some guy… I said that I had been here for an interview, but that I was no longer interested, and left. I didn’t want to be a part of a company that treats their customers and potential customers like that.

    I later went to the Starbucks interview and was literally hired on the spot. I couldn’t believe it. See what you threw away Victoria’s Secret.

  15. I just about died of laughing when i saw the ipod in the secret pocket!! Great post thanks for sharing.

  16. JonelB

    April- I KNOW. I’ve never bought their thongs, and sometimes buy their string bikinis, and hipsters, but…after one pair of boyshorts I was done with that style.
    I must find the idiots who design these underwear patterns and OBVIOUSLY never wear a pair, ever. They must pay for this outrage.

  17. Cathy

    May I suggest Soma. Seamless panties rock.

  18. *wipes tears away*
    *catches breath*

    I too have been on a panty search, so it’s funny that you posted this. Not to mention the whole post had me in stitches (badoom-tish!). FWIW, I just returned a whole order of panties from because I couldn’t justify spending $60 on such ugly colours (they looked better on the site), or the fact that their idea of small was somewhat huge. Unless they’re *designed* to shrink in the wash…

    And uh, yeah agree with you on the secret pocket. I have one or two pair like that and it’s literally irritating.

  19. I have got to recommend the Barely There brand.
    Its not pretty or fancy but DAGNABIT, its way comfy. And no lines whatever, at any point.
    Of course they also don’t have an innovative crotch pocket. Which is, well innovative.

  20. yndy

    Seriously. Only funny because we’ve all experienced it. Trying to find panties for anyone more interested in wearing them all day than showing them off to someone else for 5 minutes is a major chore. It’s only made worse when you find a good line only to have them go belly up.
    Shame on VS!!

  21. maggie

    You have a horrible taste in knickers.

  22. Tara

    I love your writing, absolute genius. if you wrote novels, you would earn a fortune. Well done, hilarious

  23. Look at it this way, your bloomers now have a “ninja” pocket.

    If only I were so lucky with my manly boxer-briefs…

  24. Marieke

    VS’s quality has definitely deteriorated something awful in the last 5 years. I bought a bunch of 5-for-$25 panties maybe 2 years ago (after having had some several years before that), and within a couple of washes (with 1 pair I think it happened after a single wash even) the elastic started to fray all over the place.

  25. UsernameUnknown

    Canadian and no V.S. here but that secret pocket thing happens and it drives me up the freaking wall. I’ll buy a pair of perfectally good panties. Wash them. Throw them on for work. Wear them and have it rub up against my clit all freaking day while I’m walking around at work … which by the way means that my body goes “HEY SOMETHING IS RUBBING HERE.. OH OH OH RUB RUB RUB” and it produces some lubrication. This happens for at least 9 hours a day on work days if I count getting to and from work.They wear out faster and they end up discolouring when I wash them because of all the rubbing and all the lube that keeps piling up on them every time I wear the damn things. So then I have to buy more sooner and put them down into 2nd tier.

    On the other hand I have a pair of amazingly crafted panties I got when I lived in the UK 10 years ago that are still in almost perfect condition. They get thrown into almost every wash because they’re pretty, they’re comfortable, they don’t rub my clit raw and they’ve never discoloured. They’ve looked great when I was sick and a size 00 they look great now that I’m healthy and a size 7-9.

    I still have no idea where in North America I can get good panties.

  26. Mike

    Just an FYI from a guy:

    GUYS Hanes have had this pocket inserted recently too, so HOPEFULLY it’s not for a vibe. ;)

  27. ironymaiden

    my new favorites are from xylem:

    i bought them at a festival a few years ago and they’re holding up very well. i like the stretch lace, they cover my butt, no secret pocket.

  28. Jes

    well i guess you could put a remote control french tickler in that pocket. that’s about the only useful thing.

  29. BritishPenny

    VS aren’t available in the UK, but I visited the Las Vegas store before I got married (classy I know).
    As a Brit I find being jumped on by 5 sales assistants rather creepy and unnerving. I hated having the fight them off when I was just looking. Our English stores are staffed by moody teenagers who ignore you.
    When I eventually said I was looking for those knickers that “shape” you (ie pull in your tum & bum). The assistant had no idea what I was talking about. Perhaps it wasn’t their speciality, but I assumed if you worked in underwear, you at least knew the market. I shall stick to Marks and Spencer in future.

  30. tumblenc

    I hate it when my underwear doesn’t have the front seam sewn, because it’s so irritating when I try to put a pantyliner >( and the lining only covers halfway grr.

    stupid cheap panty manufacturers xD

  31. shadowed_rain

    This is freaking fantastic. Huzzah for you and your writing abilities.

    I must say, I loathe Victoria’s Secret. I do have a bit of a bias, as I’m a former Lane Bryant employee and a current Catherine’s employee. But…they train their employees terribly. Any time I go in with friends, they literally sneer at anyone not skeletal. I’ve seen people flat out assessed, dismissed, and passed over even before the employee greets them. Most of my friends complain about their underwear, but there’s one or two who can still find their “standby” undies. I don’t understand the pockets, either, most underwear on the market nowadays has it. As most of the ladies above me have observed, maybe they’re onto something with the French ticklers.

    The worst thing about VS is their bra ignorance. LB and Catherine’s employees are trained extensively on bras, and I had so, so many customers come in from VS, complaining of atrocious service, inaccurate measurements (I’ve corrected measurements by VS employees who were off as much as three cup sizes before), and the push for credit cards.

    These people need a serious lesson in customer service, yes? Maybe you should link this to VS :D

  32. Late to the party, but I had to throw my DITTO in! My favorite place for underwear is Gap. Their boyshorts are perfect – I have some from American Eagle that apparently are *meant* to show off the bottom half of your ass – but the ones from Gap actually cover everything without riding and the only pockets are cute little decorative ones on the outside (although the purpose of them is just as questionable).
    My struggle right now is with bras. I wear a weird size (34DD) that’s impossible to find. And when I do, the straps stretch out within a couple of weeks and I might as well not even wear one. Oh the joys of women’s undergarments.

  33. Margaret

    OMG and yes! Thank you for your post!

    Now I used to be a firm believer in VS and even worked there for a year! When I worked there, the bras were solidly made and made for women with boobs! (I’ve been a 36C to a 38DD since I was 12 and I’m now 46). We were trained to fuss over everyone! It was great fun helping a women buy a Wonder Bra who told me after she paid that it was her present to herself to celebrate turning 60!! We in the VS store were PROUD that our panties were cut to cover the round curvy fullness of a woman’s butt so that nothing hung out. Oh yes, I have lots of VS panties that acted as though they were made of steel. And the bras, well they actually used to work.

    Now with the whole new teenie bopper look the bras are designed to for people who don’t need them. And the prices have gone up. I’m so disgusted by VS embracing the 13 year group of body types for their goods that I refuse to shop there. I’m just pissed off.

    Look VS you want to make MONEY. Then go back to being a classy, pseudo-Victorian looking place and make bras and panties for us women with MONEY who need support for our luscious feminine curves.

    Or just kiss yourself good-bye.

  34. Margaret


    When I worked at VS we also cheered on and support the A cup. All boobs are good and all women should feel good about their chests AND get the support/coverage that they need. I know lots of women came in said about their cleavage and left feeling a little better about themselves after getting loved on by the staff and trying on very sexy, feminine, undergarments.

  35. Alice

    I agree with everything you mentioned. I shopped at VS once when I was younger and decided never to enter one of their stores again. The service was terrible and the products, while cute in the store, were shoddy and over priced. Though, I’m actually commenting because a few ladies have mentioned trouble getting a pad to stick to panties sporting a secret pocket. I actually developed an allergy to the adhesive used on the back of pads. (If you think a little curled fabric is uncomfortable, imagine being sore, swollen, and sporting a huge itchy rash in your most sensitive of places because your pad has turned against you. Have a happy period indeed.) Anyway, I needed to find an alternate solution fast. I skeptically purchased some lunapads and am thrilled with the results. They are better for your health, better for the planet, and in a year or so, better on you savings account. I don’t generally advertise for products I use but after only two months of ease and comfort, I can’t help but make the suggestion when others are struggling. Anyways, since these snap on, you could even wear your uncomfortable VS panties and at least get your moneys worth before you toss them.

  36. Lilly

    I love this post, and I agree with everything you said.

    Also, is it just me or has the SIZING gotten weird? I used to be a size small, and then a year ago the small stopped fitting me. So the next time I was in I tried buying the medium. NOPE, that was too big, by far. Next time I tried two pairs in small, one pair in extra-small, and two pairs in medium. Only two of these fit: one small, one extra-small.

    So…does the sizing have anything to do with the actual size anymore? Because I’ve have to just eyeball it now, and I’m getting fed up. Can anyone recommend a good VS replacement?

  37. Renee

    A few days ago, one of the “highly trained” 16 year olds that measured me for a bra, told me nothing there would fit me.. I measured a 36b-c, then she told me i actually needed an A, without measuring again mind you. Then she finally said i would just have to buy a bra that was too big or too small. Then I went directly to Macy’s and they measured me correctly.

    Wow VS, that was disappointing.. Won’t be going back there!

  38. Casey

    secret pockets are great for concealing drugs. =D

  39. Want

    I loved this article. I always wondered what the pocket was for. VS is not the only panty that has it. Some of the Hanes line has it as well. I have always loved the VS cotton 5 for $25.00 panty. The problem is they are not 100% cotton anymore. I think that si why they ride up. Anyway, I lobe the FOTL cotton panty. They have a bra that is just like the VS cotton bra any better.

  40. Renae

    I googled trying to find a good replacement for the old VS undies. What a grat laugh!

    If you find one that works for you, let us know!

    I’ve worn the low rise cotton panties for years. I have a small enough rise that anything else and I worry about my undies peeking over the top of my pants! They don’t even make the low rise anymore and I think they have changed the fabric somehow, they just aren’t the same as the oldies I have in my drawer.

  41. KatieBeth

    Watch out for VS if you’re even remotely overweight. I’m 5’7″ and a size 14 ladies. The *last* time I walked into a VS, the first staff member who saw me said (before I said anything to her), “Ma’m, I don’t think we have anything in your size.” Hurumph! She gave me a disgusted look and walked away. I think that’s beyond rude…it’s just MEAN!

  42. uma

    I would suggest sending your complaints to the link below, who knows maybe things will improve to some extent or they’ll stop hiring twits as sales associates

  43. Cindy

    I totally agree with your article! It was SO FUNNY, but true. I too have stopped shopping at VS for similar reasons and you are right the “Pink” has got to go! I have had much sucess with Soma intimates, they are a bit pricey but they do have sales much like VS. Thanks for the great article.

  44. Wanda

    I love VS, the cotton panties are not totally cotton. they are mixed with lycra. I always get helped right away when I enter Victoria Secret.

  45. Kate

    EXACTLY! I use to love VS, but the prices are just silly, and the bras aren’t very comfortable. And their customer service is laaaaame.

    Had one sales associate, while trying on a bra mind you, keep pushing the credit card through the fitting room door! Woman would not let me try on a bra in peace. And then she went to my boyfriend, who was waiting outside with my purse, to try to get my information for it! After I told her “No, sorry, I’m not interested” about a dozen times.

  46. Sherry

    I’m so happy I found this! I recently wrote a blog about the poor quality of VS underwear. My my English class I now have to ‘review’ a product, so I am going to review VS’s crappy drawers.
    A copy of my blog is below. I LOVED your blog! It’s wonderful to know I’m not alone out there!!

    Dear Victoria, Keep Your Secret
    I have worn the cotton ‘high cut brief’ from Victoria’s Secret for at least 16 years, it could be longer. But 16 years is what I know for sure. That’s customer loyalty! I’ve had my relationship with VS longer than most of my friendships. That’s uber loyalty. But VS has no loyalty. They recently, say within the past six months changed the design of their ‘high cut brief’. I am angry. I am frustrated. I am hurt. Where is their loyalty?

    I would no longer consider the ‘high cut brief’ a brief. It’s well…briefer. There is obviously less material. The new ‘brief’ no longer keeps my cheeks in check if you get my meaning. There is now worry and angst when I wear the new brief. There is the constant pulling on the material to get my cheeks back in check. There can also be the leg shifting, or the sideways chair slide and even the faux stretching to try and cajole my underwear back into place unbeknownst to those around me. Does anyone else ever pull these sneaky woman tricks? The material is thicker. The waist and leg bands are thicker. There is an indentation and a red mark on my skin from where the seams of the waist band meet. Simply put, the new ‘brief’ is making my life miserable.

    I sent VS an email lodging my complaint but have yet to receive a response. I am thinking of calling them to lodge another complaint or at least find out if they have some hidden stock pile of the old design so that I can find happiness again. I’ll let you know the results of that phone call when it happens.

    Due to this new design I have gone back out on the underwear market to find a suitable replacement and tried a kazillion different brands and styles. I’ve tried the silky ones per the instruction of one of my best friends who swears by them. When I get the right size to fit my…um…cheeks they are too tight in the legs and I have red marks from the elastic. There is tightness at the tops of my thighs, like they are slowly being cut off from the rest of my body. This doesn’t feel so good. I have tried several other cotton brands to no avail. No others fit right or keep my cheeks in check and thighs from feeling like they are in a noose all day. I have spent countless dollars on my search for the next new underwear and I keep coming home with a shopping bag full of disappointment. Not to mention that once I buy the losers I have launder them, and then take them for a trial run which results in a day of total discomfort. I have spent countless hours in various department and big box stores checking the thickness of the material, the seams of the crotch (does it got too far to the rear thereby resulting in a rubbing on the seam in my jeans causing more discomfort), the elastic, and the stretchiness of countless pairs of underwear. I’m sure my fellow shoppers think I am a freak as they walk by when I am doing my product testing in store.

    What I want to know is whose bright idea it was it to change the design, material, etc? I am almost sure it had to be a man. Men do not understand women. So it had to be a man who messed this up for the women of the world. Men do not understand the necessity of a good fitting pair of panties that women rely on to make it through the day. Men do not understand the angst a rotten pair of drawers can cause one woman in a single day.

    I admit I am 40-something. Maybe I’m not supposed to be wearing VS underwear anymore? Am I supposed to graduate to the Granny Panties? I think not. Maybe VS doesn’t market to 40-somethings. Let me say this to you, VS, most people my age wear underwear to keep their cheeks IN, not hanging out. After bearing children that is pretty much the point of women’s underwear.

    But I must confess, although I was wearing the ‘high cut brief’ I still like the thought that VS was stamped in my underwear. I liked the thought that I could walk into the VS store and come out with the cute little pink striped bag with my goodies wrapped in tissue paper making me feel well…um…sexy in cotton underwear or as sexy as one can feel in a cotton ‘high cut briefs’. Now I must go back out into the underwear world and continue my search for a suitable replacement for my forever gone cotton high cut brief. Victoria can keep her stinkin’ Secret.

  47. Elaine

    This is what I submitted to Victoria’s Secret via e-mail:

    I returned the five cotton panties I bought at VS as I noticed the elastic has changed and it causes ride up. I wish VS would go back to the old elastic. I love the old style with the old stronger elastic. I won’t buy anymore panties from VS unless they switch back to the old elastic which was a thicker waistband and stronger elastic around the legs. I have read a blog on this
    Message Boards – “Why did Victoria’s Secret change the elastic on their underwear?” – NSBR Board – T
    and lots of other women agree on this. I would even pay MORE for the panties if they were made the old way.

    Here is the replay I got from VS:

    Dear Elaine,

    Thank you for your e-mail regarding our cotton panties. We appreciate you taking the time to share your feedback.

    We assure you that your specific comments have been forwarded to the proper department. We take our customers’ comments seriously. In fact, customer suggestions and comments often provide direction for changes in future merchandise and services.

    If we can assist you further, please reply to this e-mail or call anytime.

    Elaine, Victoria’s Secret values you as a customer, and it is our hope that you will grant us the opportunity to serve you again. Thank you for contacting Victoria’s Secret.


    Sarah S. Customer Service

  48. Elaine

    I forgot to mention that when I returned the VS panties, I showed the saleslady the comments from the other blog I printed out. She only said “oh, I don’t wear these so I don’t know.” I was hoping she would show the comments to her supervisor or higher up!

    I’m going to check out Soma Intimates as I’ve heard that they have panties like the old VS style.

  49. Jen

    I just recently discovered this, and I am so returning the panties that have this “feature.” WTF?

  50. Carolyn

    I’ve enjoyed reading everyone’s comments. I am 48 years old (I’m a size 10 or 12) and I have been happily married to my husband for 4 years. He loves VS and that is the only brand of clothes he buys for me. He is one of VS’s best customers, because when he is deployed (he is an officer in the military), he passes his free time by shopping online for me on VS! He spends upwards of $1K there each deployment! They better treat us well, or he will stop buying from them! I must tell you this: my husband is 20.5 years YOUNGER than me! He thinks I’m the sexiest woman on the planet, so I don’t give a darn what some VS salesclerk might imply or think of me! What my husband thinks is the most important thing! We buy mostly online, so we don’t deal with the clerks too much. I have issues with their panties as well. I wear the cotton bikini style (in everyday wear), and yes, they have the “secret pocket” which I’ve always known as being the crotch lining. My problem is that it starts too far back from the front and extends too high up in the back. When I’m, shall I say, “moist” down there, it goes right through the single layer of fabric because it does fall way back where the double layer of fabric is. I don’t believe that my anatomy is unlike other women’s (I hope not! ha). I’m sure the designer (probably a male!) didn’t think about where our openings really are….and just thought about not having a seam that shows. We need panties to function especially during our monthly cycle. They have to hold on pads of all sizes. It’s just silly that they can’t get this right and keep it right. I’ve never written the company about it because I know it will fall on deaf ears. They don’t care. Bottom line. No pun intended. I have less complaints about their other items, but you do have to shop smart and bypass all the clothes that only street walkers and Vegas club-goers would wear (unless you like those items, which is fine). They also need to get back to decent colors like pale pink, baby blue and lavender…for their sexy bra/panty sets. My 28 year old hubby loves that stuff on me (very sweet and innocent sort of things). And by the way….I’m just a regular educated nerd type woman with 3 grown kids. And I’m having the best time of my life! (except for that crotch problem!ha) Take care ladies and happy panty shopping!

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