Doom Beast Shows the Dark Side How It’s Done
6 years ago, in the late afternoon
Well. [:: scratches head ::] I mean.
I’ve got a camera.
And I’ve got this cat.
And now I’ve got all these … paper dolls …
Episode 3-1/2: The Fuzzy Menace
This is Disco Tour Guide Storm Trooper. He points at things, and sometimes, he does the “hustle.” He’s an accusatory sort of fellow, and not as much fun at parties as you might expect.
For example, DTGST says, “This-here is some kind of … I dunno … Space Clown for Jesus. And her pet hoochie.” And he also says, “I mean, look what junior’s wearing over there! I’ve seen more cotton in the top of an aspirin bottle.”
But Spain the Cat does not care. “If you’ve got it, flaunt it,” that’s what she says.
She also says, “Of course, if you seem to have misplaced it — then for heaven’s sake get the hell offa my tummy.”
She resents any implied comparisons.
“Mooooom! They’re trying to make me come to the dark side!”
Yoda does his damndest to intervene. He says, “The dark side, do not go there! The cookies are a lie!”
But Spain the Cat will take a bite out of her own mother for the promise of a cookie. So nommy green puppets don’t stand a chance.
“Now, let me get this straight. I have to get even darker in order to qualify for the cookies?”
Please allow the Storm Trooper to indicate the copious black fluff, the broad spread of tummy, and the intermittent nipple. (Also: He privately suspects that “Intermittent Nipple” would make a really great band name.)
Darth Vader is totally on Spainy’s side. But yanno. Bureaucracy. The decision isn’t really up to him.
At the end of the day, she’ll have to take it up with Palpatine.
They give her the Amway sales pitch, and slip her the cookie recipe as a gesture of good faith. She tells them she’ll have to think about it. Darth Vader and Palpatine discreetly look away while she deliberates.
And then she eats them, because making cookies sounds like a whole lot of work and they should’ve just had some ready when they invited her over.
Spain the cat says, “Thanks for reading!”
Disco Tour Guide Storm Trooper says, “Hey look, a fish!”
And Howard the fish says, “Hey look, a plastic codpiece!”