I spent part of my afternoon at Crypticon, a charming and ambitious horror convention held out at Seatac — in the same hotel as Norwescon. The convention is chock full of wonderful guests who were gracious, pleasant, and easily accessible due to a somewhat sparse attendee turn-out.*

In fact, they might’ve been a little too accessible. I say this because I am still blushing from the 15 minutes I spent making a complete and total doofus of myself, gushing fannishly at William B. Davis.

No, seriously. I was about as graceful as a three-legged bunny in a blindfold. I approached the table where he was sitting, and the conversation went something like this, only (believe it or not) much less slick on my part:

Me: ZOMG!!111! [:: flails like I've just walked through a spider web ::]

Him: Erm…hello.

Me: It’s you! I mean, obviously it’s you, I mean. Here you are with a sign and everything. And all these pictures of you from the X-files. I mean. I bet. Uh. [:: embarrassed laugh with a snort in the middle ::] I, um. Oh God, I bet you’re sick to death of hearing about the X-Files, I mean, people coming up to you and blabbing on, and on, and on about it.

Him: No, it’s okay. That’s kind of what I’m here for.

Me: Oh good! Because, there was this one episode — and it was my favorite episode EVAR — and I just loved it so much because you were so awesome, and I loved the Smoking Man, and he was awesome, and it was awesome, because. Erm. Okay, when was that? I guess I was about 18 or 19, and see, okay wait. You know that episode where we get all that great backstory on the Smoking Man, right? And he’s all trying to sell his short stories, yanno?**

Him: Yup.

Me: Okay, see, I was just a kid, sort of, but I was just starting to really try and break into publishing in earnest, and it was really really hard, and I got all depressed and discouraged because I thought it was never going to happen, and I thought I must totally suck because I couldn’t get anyone to buy my stories. But THEN! Then I was watching my favorite TV show in the whole wide world and THEN there was like, my FAVORITE CHARACTER and he ALSO CAN’T SELL HIS STORIES and it was like we were practically SOUL MATES or something, and it totally INSPIRED ME to just KEEP ON TRYING, and then I just, and I just, and I just totally loved you. Him. I mean, you being him. Uh. Yanno.

Him: Aw, thank you. Did you ever sell your stories?

Me: Oh yeah! Totally! Like, I sold a bunch of them. I write books!*

Him: You do?

Me: YEAH! I’ve sold like, five of them [ed. note: this was incorrect. I was babbling.]. And I’m going to sell some more of them, I hope. I pray. I bet. We’ll see.

Him: Well congratulations, then. Any options for movies, or TV, or anything like that?

Me: Nope. Nothing that cool, I’m afraid. I mean, maybe someday we’ll get a nibble. Maybe the werewolves will get picked up. I like werewolves. People like werewolves, right? Werewolves are hot right now. But OMG it’s you! And I’m so glad you’re here! And I know that this convention is a little quiet, but this is the first one, and I’m so excited to see really cool guests like you here and I hope that there’s another one next year, and oh my God, I’ve just now realized that I have no idea how to stop talking. I don’t even know what to say now. I’m totally out of things to say, and yet my lips are still moving and sounds are still coming out. I’m so sorry. I’m so excited. It’s so cool to see you here, I had to come over and talk to you and now I can’t stop. This is embarrassing. But you’re awesome. And I’ve got a panel to do at four, so I should just walk away now. Yup. That’s what I’m going to do. Here I go. Oh God, I’m still talking …

[:: face palm ::]
[:: dies of stupid ::]