Cats and Writers

Posted on | 6 years, 6 months ago, in the morning | 23 Comments

As I believe I mentioned under the “about the author” segment, I have a cat. She was a shelter rescue that Jym and I acquired several years ago, and she’s the light of our dark little lives. Spainy-cat* is an exceedingly funny Maine coon mix with more attitude than a whole season of Dallas, and enough fluff to stuff a couch cushion. You can see pictures of this fine feline here. Truly, she is a beautiful animal.

But do note, via images like this one, that she is (a). a little fat and (b). a veritable supernova of fuzzy. She is also a pretty-pretty-princess who doesn’t like to get her butt dirty in the litterbox. If she thinks it needs cleaning, she does a matronly squat above the gravel and lets fly.

Unfortunately, the copious fur around her back legs — aka, the “genie pants” effect — can work as poo-netting, which leads to nasty “Klingons.”** Apparently, yesterday was a good day for Klingons.

Spainy emerged from the litter box and shook her back feet clear of debris, then strolled into the living room … where she began to unceremoniously drag her ass across the carpet. I made a noise like a valley girl being offered a Discover Card, and I ordered her to cease and desist. She ignored me, going to town with her booty-scooting until I chucked a small eraser at her head. The indignity of this assault did, at least, prompt her to stop — but when she put her tail into the air and walked away I spotted the hangers-on.

She had serious hangers-on. And she was heading for the bedroom. Jym was lying on the bed. He made a cooing noise that translated to, “Here kitty kitty,” and she bee-lined for him. I did a slow-motion, John Woo ninja dive from the computer chair to the hall.

The kitty commenced evasive tactics, faking left and right until she made it all the way to the nice clean place where we sleep — her stubborn hitchhikers waggling nastily behind her. Since Jym was facing only the whiskered end of the cat, he did not see the passengers … and therefore, he had no reason not to invite her up onto the bed.

I slung by the bathroom and tagged the toilet paper roll, snagging the tissue end and unrolling it in a bobbing wave all the way to the bedroom like a disposable Chinese dragon. But Spainy was on to me. She ducked away from Jym’s inviting kitty-scritching hand and pounced onto her condo — which she always seems to consider “base.” If she reaches the condo, she assumes that she’s “safe” and that the hairless monkeys who give her food are not allowed to pester her.

The Klingons did not benefit from this diplomatic immunity, though. I held her down while Jym looked on. She yowled like I was hitting her with a hammer, despite the fact that I was simply taking a strip of Scott tissue to her hindquarters. So to any of my nearby neighbors who thought about calling PETA yesterday afternoon, I would beg you to reconsider. The cat is unharmed, I lost a little blood, and all is well at this time.

But in the end, it took two trips to get all the poos off of her genie pants.
Two. Trips.

* * * * *

And so you see what an exciting life I lead over here. It’s all glamour and glitz, being a writer. Tomorrow, I’ll probably jet off to Paris for croissants and squishy cheese, right after I change the kitty litter and replace the squeegie sponge on my dishwashing wand.

Later on this afternoon, if I get the chance, I’ll update this page with a few upcoming project details in an attempt to fool you all into thinking that I’m a real live grown-up writer and stuff. But for the moment, I’m stuck busily grinding away at my day job and I’m afraid that further content-type posts will have to wait.

Here. Have a kitty picture.
That’ll make this a real blog, won’t it?

More later,
~Cherie

________________________
* So called because everywhere she goes, she thinks she owns the place — as in, “I claim this land for Spain.”
** Brown aliens which are just fine in their place; but you don’t necessarily want them sharing your pillow or anything.

Category: misc

Comments

23 Responses to “Cats and Writers”

  1. Sanguinity
    August 11th, 2005 @ 9:13 am

    (Wow, invisible comment-fields. Like the bridge in Indiana Jones — you just have to trust that it’s there and start typing.)

    I was rather fond of Klingons — real Klingons — until I read this. Another day, another disillusionment.

  2. Livia Llewellyn
    August 11th, 2005 @ 9:15 am

    Ah, the glamorous life of a writer, running after small animals and cleaning their fuzzy buttocks. How can we not envy you? :D

  3. Avionne
    August 11th, 2005 @ 9:18 am

    Hihi! You command and I leave a comment.

    You make me glad I do not have a long-haired cat. Poor Spainy!

  4. Starsail(Anne)
    August 11th, 2005 @ 9:22 am

    Of course the lure of Spainy will bring everyone over here. Sort of a pain in the butt to respond compared to LJ but what do I know. I don’t even have a website yet. I remember when we had a long haired kitty, don’t miss the klingons at all, LOL.

  5. Jenn H.
    August 11th, 2005 @ 9:25 am

    Haha…. lovin it ;)

    On the comments, tis hard to see the boxes as they are white on white :)

  6. Sarah Monette
    August 11th, 2005 @ 9:26 am

    Posting a comment, as per your request, and also to say that your Spainy-cat is a beautiful beautiful creature.

  7. Becky
    August 11th, 2005 @ 9:27 am

    *Lurve* the stories about Spainy-kitty :)

  8. Liz W
    August 11th, 2005 @ 9:28 am

    Yup, seems to work just fine. No, I have no actual content…

  9. Jennifer
    August 11th, 2005 @ 9:30 am

    I feel your pain, my friend. As an author with a feline fuzzy butt, I know exactly what you’re talking about. In fact, I’m sure, just as my cat is currently headbutting my shoulder for attention as I type, your cat demands attention when you sit down to write.

  10. scarfish
    August 11th, 2005 @ 9:33 am

    Hee! Great story.

    The site looks lovely, but there’s something a little weird about the Press and Blog links over on the right–they’re sort of doubled and stretched to me, even when I refresh/open in new browser/etc. Just, you know. FYI.

  11. Andrea
    August 11th, 2005 @ 9:37 am

    Ah, the hazards of long haired kitties! I’m hoping Braxton Bragg doesn’t turn out to be a long hair. He’s looking kinda medium-haired these days.

  12. Cyndy
    August 11th, 2005 @ 9:57 am

    Oh, yay, now I don’t have to comment all Anonymously at LJ! Hehe. Anyway, on a more serious note, I very much love the new website. It’s just goregous – and I’m tickled that you’re using WP because I’m unabashedly biased to that little blogging gem of software.

    I’ve added ya to my blogroll, so I’ll be stopping by now and again. *smooch*

  13. Missy
    August 11th, 2005 @ 10:04 am

    LOLOLOLOLOL!
    Kitty stories are great. Tripp and I had to go through something like that with Two-Tone the other night. I just buy the BIG animal wipes, hold him down, and wipe. They are actually bathing wipes, so he gets a little bath in the process.

  14. Jenna
    August 11th, 2005 @ 10:12 am

    Spainy-cat is love.
    Except when she brings along all her hangers-on. Ew.

    Your comment boxes show up fine on my computer. White box on *eyes* Cream?

  15. ladyoflight2004
    August 11th, 2005 @ 10:17 am

    I sooooooo know what you mean! I have a long haired chinchilla, Coco, and she too has ‘hangers-on’ from time to time and uses the carpet to wipe herself. Trouble is I’m not always there to see this, and the carpet is, ahhmmm, dark brown. Need I say more?

    I don’t know if it’s a glitch or what when you upload (you did say to mention anything that seemed not right) but there seem to be gaps between lines in places that shouldn’t have them.

  16. flutterby_gal
    August 11th, 2005 @ 11:51 am

    Nice site. Cute story. As always….

    Ewwww to the Kingons.

    My new boy cat, loves to dig up the litter and it sticks in his paws like crazy, and I find litter on my bed all the damn time.

    I am constanlty sweeping up litter with this guy.

    But he is such a lover, I can’t be mad at him. He’s my baby.

  17. Zardra
    August 11th, 2005 @ 1:01 pm

    The new site looks awesome. :)

  18. Jenni_Froedrick
    August 11th, 2005 @ 1:23 pm

    OMG. Everyone in the office is wondering why I almost choked on my green-tea. Best. Spainy Story. Evah.

    New site is gorgeous!

  19. lalouque
    August 11th, 2005 @ 1:56 pm

    Ya know, with your copious amounts of spare cash laying around *cough, cough*, you could get Spainy a “potty patch” hair cut. Hee hee, I’d love to see pictures of that happening….

  20. Naamah
    August 11th, 2005 @ 2:43 pm

    Oh, dear. I think I hurt something laughing. I was containing it until the part about the toilet paper unspooling like a Chinese dragon.

    I’ve been witness all too often to the Hundred-meter Dingleberry Drag. The Poop-Scoot Boogie.

    Our evil black cat of similar fuzziness and fatness also has this embarrassing problem. It happened so often that I now must preventively trim the fur around her Region to avoid finding any wee gifties on the floor when I stagger out into the hall in the morning, sans shoes.

    Oh, dear lord, she hates it worse than getting her claws nipped, and howls like the spirits of the restless dead.

  21. morrigann
    August 11th, 2005 @ 3:11 pm

    I laughed so hard I thought I might indeed explode. I can just picture poor spainy cat commencing evasion techniques lol. I adore the new site very pretty.

  22. Deanna
    August 11th, 2005 @ 8:33 pm

    You know what’s worse than klingons? When dear little kitty decides that rubber bands taste yummy. No, unlike chewing gum, they do not get digested and surprisingly, they also don’t loose elasticity. This useless fact was discovered after my own fluff ball kept running around the house like she was being chased by the devil himself. Yeah, she had a little fellow follow her out of her kitty litter and she freaked. It took two of use to rid her of her the offending turd which was attached quite firmly to one end of said rubber band. She sturggled mightily while one of us held and the other had the unpleasant task of pulling a very long, stretchy piece of elastic from the crying cat’s stupid butt.

    Eww. Thought I’d share that gross tale with everyone.

  23. Michelle
    August 12th, 2005 @ 12:18 am

    Pretty, shiny, new. But the old LJ will always have a place in my heart. Spainy’s a beaut–never tire of her. No real content, but a comment per your request.

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